Discernment vs. Decision-Making
Practicing the Prayer of Holy Indifference
Making decisions is an inevitable part of life. Where we go to college, what major we choose, who we marry, if we marry, where we live... these are huge decisions. And then there are the smaller decisions that matter too. Do I save the extra money or go on a much-needed vacation? Should I take on the responsibility of a pet in this season of life? Is it better to buy a house or rent? Do I apply for the promotion at work? Should I confront that family member or not? Where should I go to church?
The process of decision making includes:
1. Considering all the possibilities
2. Making a list of pros and cons
3. Polling your closest friends and family to find consensus
4. Determining which outcome lines up with personal goals and needs
Add a layer of obligatory prayer to that process, and this is how many of us move through life.
But I would suggest that there is a significant difference between decision-making and discernment. Discernment includes both rational and intuitive processes. Yes, we do an inventory of our circumstances, but we also pay attention to the movements of our soul. We look at our bank account, but we also observe our physical and spiritual responses to things around us. Henri Nouwen says that, “Discernment is about listening and responding to that place within us where our deepest desires align with God’s desire.” It requires sorting through our feelings, our inclinations and our hopes in order to discern which ones lead us closer to God and others, and which ones lead us further away.
Decision-making asks “which makes the most sense?” but discernment asks “What will bring me closer to Jesus?” Decision-making believes problem-solving will lead to the right outcome. Discernment believes I am finite and need God. Decision-making relies on human wisdom while discernment relies on Godly wisdom. Decision-making requires human strength, but discernment requires surrender. Decision-making results in anxiety while discernment results in peace. Sometimes we can’t think our way into a decision and in these moments (and perhaps every moment), God is inviting us to partner with Him to discern His will.
Discernment is a gift from God, available for the taking. But, how do we learn to decipher God’s voice from the cacophony of distractions and competing opinions that come our way each day? And, if we are being honest, the loudest distraction is often our own voice; we say we want God’s will while simultaneously clutching a particular outcome with a death-grip. Not only that, we can feel paralyzed by the well-intentioned advice to read the Bible more, prayer harder, read self-help books and try harder.
What if I told you that the secret to discernment is not to try harder... but to leg go? It isn’t a secret at all, really. Riddled throughout Scripture and made explicit in the writings of Saint
Ignatius of Loyola, the ancient practice of indifference is a prayer to simply let go of what is comfortable and what others think of us. By indifference, Ignatius does not mean apathy or ‘who cares’. He means that we become indifferent to everything except the will of God.
Ignatius was pointing to something that we see throughout Scripture; the degree to which we are open to any answer from God is the degree to which we are really ready to hear what God has to say. As long as we are tangled up in our disordered fears, hopes and attachments, we will confuse our will with God’s will.
More than a method of making decisions, Ignatius considered an interior disposition of indifference to be spiritual freedom. When we abandon our attachment to things like titles, positions, recognition, security, and the opinions of others... we are freed up to trust that God’s will really is good, no matter the outcome. Untethered by the things that would normally hold us back, we are free to move into new territory.
Jesus prayed for holy indifference. In the garden of Gethsemane he wrestled between the desired outcome that he preferred (“Take this cup from me”) and the will of the Triune God (“Not my will but yours be done”). The second person of the Trinity struggled and submitted to the will of the Father, and we are invited to follow His example.
What choice, big or small, are you facing right now? Where do you need God’s wisdom? You are invited to cross the threshold from decision-making to discernment by praying for holy indifference. It is a difficult prayer that must be prayed again and again as we become aware of our desires and bring them to God in surrendered openness.
Here’s a version of Ignatius’ prayer of indifference:
“God please help me to let go of my attachment to any particular outcome and open up to you and your will.”
Friends, here’s the best part. This process of discernment changes us... sometimes all at once and sometimes slowly over time. Prayed sincerely, this prayer will redirect your priorities, reorient your direction and reveal new gifts from God. The thing you used to think was so important loses its luster. We are freed up to love God and love the world the way we were intended. True freedom, indeed!
Rev. Dr. Andrea Sumers is the Dean of Spiritual Formation & Campus Pastor at IWU. She is an ordained minister in The Wesleyan Church and has served as a pastor in the local church, a denominational leader, and on faculty in the Division of Religion at Southern Wesleyan University. She loves college students and is passionate about creating space for them to be shaped into the image of Christ for the sake of others.